Army is discipline. Army is love for your country. You have to protect it from the enemies. And it takes a real man to do that. A man who is strong, fit, smart, a man with ideals, who can sacrifice himself for his flag and his culture. Army makes you strong and always ready to annihilate your enemies.

Army is also exciting, and pays really good, as the British Army tells us. Their logo is: Army, be the best. And we have to believe them, don’t we?

We would, if we forgot the real war is not played by weapons today. Real war is mass media. It was 9/11 and the American terrorism, it is all the movies about how bad people from Middle East are, it is war over oil and natural gas, it is war of corporations to us, about who will get the most out of our wallets.

And it would sound exciting, if it still did not involve killing people. Serial killers would surely find this exciting. But, I believe the majority of us are not serial killers. Still, the governments, have to find people who are stupid enough to finish what they started with “intelligent” war, and go over there to clean up and justify their purposes.

Travel and opportunity, to see other cultures, and then bomb them. This is an excellent opportunity to be the last person who actually sees a piece of art for the last time, or even a palace.

And, hell yeah, let’s kill some innocent people. They are worthless anyway. They don’t have our civilization, so they don’t deserve to live. Plus they do not kiss our flags and they don’t believe in the same imaginary friends, ehm, I meant gods.

It is cool to be able to hold a weapon in hour hands, too. You get to play Counter Strike for real. You can also have your favorite music in a portable cd-player while you kill! You should not get paid for that, you should pay and thank them for giving you this amazing opportunity.

You also get to hate people in the army, especially your neighbors. The Turks hate the Greeks, the Irish hate the British, the Americans hate the Cubans and vice versa, and the army makes a big deal out of it, how exciting. And just pray that you kill them one day. The enemies wake up in the morning and on their way to work they think of how to get your territory. So kill those bastards, the army gives you a chance to be the monster of the universe!

Prove you love your country, be a man, be a hero. Army helps you build your dreams by shattering other people’s dreams. That’s like the shampoo, two in one. How nice, I am really tempted. Seriously, you don’t love your country if you are not ready to kill other human beings for it. They are inferior, they deserve it. Hate, hate, I know you can, moar hate!

And, of course, you need discipline for all this. How could a person with free will and a properly functioning brain agree to be a part of this trading stupidity? Discipline means following orders without being able to judge, your brain must be at pause, and you must be ready to obey, hate, kill, annihilate, destroy. For your flag’s colors, for your ideals. What are greater ideals than war, crime, torture, and murder?

So much fun. It must be like holidays in the army, they even pay for your airplane tickets, those people are so kind.

That’s why the Americans, after killing Saddam Hussein, still stayed at Iraq. Who wants to end his holidays and go back to work, huh? I wouldn’t. You get to miss the best things ever.

And you, who find army to be insulting and stupid and don’t want to join it, I have to tell you, you don’t know what you’re missing. You’re just ignorant. That’s why they have to send you to court, or jail, they want to make you see the beauty of life through death. If you haven’t seen the worst, how can you appreciate the best?

The fact that all soldier-army-lovers are retards, has nothing to do with anything. It is just a coincidence. And they are not really retards, the army tested them and reached a verdict:

-They are strong (muscles are always pretty, right?, and if you can carry a gun and punch someone in the face, you truly are strong),

-They have two testicles (so they are men, while others with one or three or more are women, aliens, plants, or mutated species)

-They are smart (they are smart enough to let others make decisions for them, their brains will burn if they have to think of everything)

-They are double-smart (they get to have all-year-round holidays, play live their games, and get more money than you would ever dream of)

-They are triple-smart (they get to die for their country, even if that means that if they all die, there will be no country, because a country actually is, ehm, its people)

-They have a better tan than you (they get to have tropical holidays in exotic countries, like Afghanistan or Iraq)

-They get to see their gods fighting each other in combats (the strongest wins, it really helps if you pray hard before the battle)

So don’t miss this amazing opportunity, join the army, now. Now that you are young and can be helpful to your country, kill now, die now, live your own death, and other people’s too. Be the best, call 0666-666666. And help your god prevail, help good beat the evil forces. If you manage to distinguise them, that is. Help your country by dying (I ask you this as a personal favor). E.T. go home, now.

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